I wrote 90 Pages in 19 Days. It Messed with my Head

For the month of March, I wrote five pages a day in the world of Aurum Ledger, a fantasy realm I created last year. The writing consumes two hours per day. On my best days, I wrote in the morning, feeling fresh and capable. However, I wrote every day, even if it meant starting at 9 pm. As of writing this post (March 24th), I have over ninety pages of handwritten work. It feels good to have such a stack, but I also notice how devoting myself entirely to one project removes space for other areas.

Writing gives me joy and calmness. It’s a trickling stream at your feet, a forest of birch and oak surrounding. Slacking in other areas of life creates guilt and anxiety, like the ominous rumbling of an incoming thunderstorm. The inconsistency of my writing habit makes me anxious. When will I fit it in today? It’s 6 pm, and I haven’t drafted the five pages.

The writing is generally pure bliss. I haven’t needed to force it. After five or ten minutes, the words come in droves. I can see the scene playing on the projector of my mind. My role is to articulate the timeline of events. My story has taken me into sword fights, cult rituals, and naval actions (which I can visualize but have difficulty relaying).

It’s just two hours of my day, but it feels like more. It both fills and drains my creative bucket. The story inspires me to do more, but I feel fatigued and unable to keep writing. In the process, I’ve spent less time grading, making videos, and blogging. The guilt grows on the days when I don’t write early on. It’s important, I’ve found, to finish by 10 am. 

As an example, I took a day to play wargames with friends. I left Carrabassett Valley at 8:30 am and returned by 9:30 pm, exhausted and excited. I enjoyed the great getaway, but my mind focused on my story. Even as we calculated where our miniatures should move, I was wondering which character to focus on next. I had a hard time being present in the moment. The guilt, this time, centered on not fully enjoying time with friends.

All of this goodness has its drawbacks. And honestly, I’m not even done with the month, so I don’t know entirely what it’s done to me. For now, I’m invested in this work even if other aspects are set aside for a bit.

What will I focus on next?