Southern Soul Quest: Brief Stay at Gettysburg

Alone in Gettysburg

I’ve visited Gettysburg multiple times. I first walked the battlefield in middle school, excitedly leading my family on a tour. I distinctly remember my cousin Marielle being wicked uninterested. I camped on the battlefield during my 21st birthday. I hiked Little Round Top in my Confederate kit. I witnessed a company of Confederates make the march across Pickett’s Charge. I participated in the 155th and 160th reenactments. Gettysburg is a mecca for reenactors.

Yet, on this trip – coming alone – I felt an emptiness. That might be the best way to describe it. I wasn’t coming for an event, to camp, or even with friends to visit the cute bartenders at the Blue & Gray. I was just…here. And I felt empty. Sure, I checked out the museum and panorama (I recommend for Gettysburg virgins. Check out the Stephen Lang audio tour too!). But I wasn’t as intrigued as I had been in the past with others.

I wasn’t inspired to do much. Ordinarily, I’d be exploring parts of the battlefield with friends who shared an interest in the battle. We debate why generals made decisions, analyze the geographic features, and walk around in our uniforms. But this time, I drove around the area for maybe an hour or two, if that.

I did find two Maine monuments. There is a great book called Maine at Gettysburg published in 1898, detailing each Maine unit that participated in the battle. One of my goals is to find the locations for all of them. But not this trip. For this trip, I wondered if I was any less of a reenactor for not fully immersing myself in Gettysburg.

Finding Maine

I focused on the epicenter of the battlefield for a while – Pickett’s Charge July 3, 1863. It’s sometimes referred to as the Pickett-Pettigrew-Trimble Charge to incorporate the other division commanders involved. As I walked around the plethora of monuments, one stood out to me: the 19th Maine Infantry. I hadn’t seen the monument in all my visits (or at least hadn’t noticed what it was for). Surrounding the 19th Maine are monuments to the mortal wounding of Confederate General Lewis Armistead and the death of Union Lieutenant Alonzo Cushing.

Since joining the 3rd Maine Infantry, Company A, I make sure to visit the Peach Orchard on all my trips. Others in my group do a better job describing the events of July 2, 1863. In essence, the 3rd Maine was engaged for much of the day, starting as skirmishers on the left of the line. Eventually, they were placed in the Peach Orchard where they were attacked not just in the front, but soon from the flank and rear. To face the new assault, Colonel Lakeman had his regiment form an “L”, much like Chamberlain was forced to do on Little Round Top later in the day. The 3rd Maine included a little over 200 men at the start of the day. Less than half were alive the next day.

Thoughts in the Peach Orchard

I visited the Peach Orchard twice. The first time, I noticed an impeccably dressed young man smoking a pipe and doing his own writing. He wore a tweed jacket and nice slacks on a warm September evening. It wasn’t dark, but he didn’t have long to finish his thoughts before it would be night. I interrupted him briefly to compliment his appearance. Then, I stood by the monument and struggled to picture the 3rd Maine holding back an enormous Confederate presence. I peered over a few times at the young man doing his thing. I admired his style. I left the site and soon got supper, but the young man stayed, smoking his pipe and writing something. I wonder if he mentioned me as I mentioned him…

The next day, I took my own time to do some writing, but I wasn’t near as spiffy. I took some time pondering if I wasn’t as much of a committed historian as I thought. The trip that was to be focused on the Civil War ended up being a trip to avoid that very subject. I enjoyed the few battlefields I had seen but knew it would be more fun with my peers. I also came to acknowledge my trip as an escape. It was a way to remove myself from my apartment, my dying business, and a dead relationship. Granted, I learned a shit ton on this trip, but the primary goal underneath all my talk was escapism.

Ironically, I felt an anxiety to get back home. Maybe not the one I shared with my former partner, but a home. I really just wanted to have my own place again and settle into a routine. In Gettysburg, I committed to writing more, drinking less, and working on myself. I also realized that I wanted a full-time job. Working for myself was an experience. I discovered my need for direction. I needed someone to guide me and tell me what to do when I had nothing on my plate. I discovered my preference for teamwork. And I learned that turning your passion into work isn’t always a great idea.

I hashed out a lot on my camp chair in the Peach Orchard. Just like Colonel Lakeman reforming his line, I reformed my life path. Not that ensuring the preservation of the Union and my life path are anywhere near a comparison…but it’s poetic, right? I didn’t stay in Gettysburg much longer. In fact, I left the next morning and drove four hours to my brother’s in New York City. Gettysburg will always be a great spot for me…with my friends. See you soon, girls at the Blue and Gray!