Mortality and Gratitude in the Bathroom

Plans

I had planned a productive afternoon. Instead, I spent hours resurrecting the Holy Roman Empire in Hearts of Iron IV. Relaxing, yes. Productive? Not quite. By the time I pulled myself away from my screen—well past the 8 pm deadline I’d set for myself—I remembered how easily I let myself get swept away by “pressing matters”. In the grand scheme of things, I question my use of time.

On Productivity

Productivity means achieving goals, right? These things should be tangible in some way. I find it difficult to include relaxation or other options that don’t have “results”  in this definition. Relaxation should be included, but I was brought up to “spend my time wisely.” Relaxing is for vacations. Although, I do rebel against that premise. I think relaxation should be included in your every day routines. So, why is that I don’t find it to be in the realm of productivity?

I’m extremely guilty of losing time. It feels better when I lose track by being in a flow state, such as writing. I’d much rather spend time writing; it’s productive, after all. Flow states for productivity trump losing track of time on video games. But I do it anyways. While a day spent conquering parts of Europe as either the Axis or the Allies feels like wasted time, a day of writing would bring a sense of accomplishment. 

On Gaming

Gaming is one part escaping (maybe avoidance), one part being in total control, and one part fun. As with anything, moderation is important. Limiting time, but allowing myself to escape briefly, is key. Today, we’re consumed with the idea that productivity is our measure of success, while also highlighting a desire for more vacations. We want to get the most out of life. But what does that even mean? Relaxation should be part of our everyday lives, not just something we squeeze into a week-long vacation once a year. If we’re constantly measuring our worth by how much we achieve, when do we get to just exist, to enjoy the simple moments that aren’t tied to goals or outcomes?

I enjoy gaming. It provides alternative stimuli not found in the world around us. Becoming Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire after defeating the Entente in the Great War is much different than teaching English. I can practically change who I am. Limiting my time on the games and maybe even using it as a reward for doing more productive things might help. Reshaping the mindset, really. Honestly, one can escape just as well in writing as in a video game, although the game makes it a little easier at times. 

In the Bathroom

I did tear myself from the current predicament and stepped into the bathroom. Sitting on the Seat of Release, I realized that half a day had been spent in front of a screen. I had done laundry and walked two miles, but I definitely felt some disappointment. I told myself to get off at 8 pm. In the midst of taking Rome from the Italians who refused to integrate into my empire, I felt it practical to remain in command. Finally, I yielded at 9:30 pm, after bringing Italy and Greece into the fold. Here I was, upon the Great Thinking Seat, and I was overcome brooding about death. Less in a negative sense and more in the way you think about it when you realize you’ve spent six hours playing a video game and that one day, you’ll run out of those hours.

Time is the most important non-renewable resource. The concept of time is a whole other topic. I know I’m not the only one who ponders the inevitable result of life. I am curious how many others take brief moments of time to be present in the moment. Especially when traveling, one of my goals is to sit somewhere and capture the place in my mind. I use my senses to create a concrete memory that I can relish for some time. 

On Gratitude

Being grateful is important. First, we are blessed (by whomever or whatever) to have the opportunity to breathe. Consider yourself further honored if you live outside conflict zones or have enough food to eat each day. I think it’s difficult to truly fathom how privileged we are. I haven’t experienced true hunger or danger. My appreciation of life, therefore, must be different than someone who has encountered such trials.

I am beyond thankful for the opportunity to live. I’m super grateful that I practically live in a penthouse. For one person, this place is incredible. It comes with duties and responsibilities, but the apartment is quite nice. This place is nearly as big as my first house. That may be a stretch, but there’s plenty of room for my hobbies and interests. I watched a recent video where I guy sorted through the 30 items he owned. When I sat on the Pondering Porcelain Potty, I could see that number just through the doorway. 

I used to consider myself a minimalist. I wanted to live in a tiny house – at least for the experience. After seeing how few possessions some folks have, I realize how far from minimalism I sit. We often go through periods of cleaning out bits we don’t use – spring cleaning. However, all my hobbies require things: camera equipment, reenacting gear, and writing material. I’m okay with having a lot of things (although it makes moving more exhausting). My apartment is dotted with spaces for Civil War relics, Polaroid images, and a cozy spot in the bedroom for journaling. This is the largest space I’ve had for a while and it feels good to spread out and make it my own hub for creativity and personality. 

Tying it all up

I won’t be taking any of that with me when I’m gone – not the games or anything I own. There is no doubt that I’ll spend hours more on the video games. Hell, I’ll probably play again today (the Ottomans must give me Jerusalem!). I need to moderate the gaming. But the time spent there isn’t wasteful. It’s simply another aspect of living. The important thing here is to practice listening to myself. When I say, “Get off at 8 pm, young man,” that means get off!

I think it’s all about balance. Productivity, relaxation, gratitude—they’re not separate entities, but pieces of a larger puzzle. Maybe productivity isn’t just about tangible results. Maybe it’s about making room for everything: the “pressing matters” of empire-building and the quiet moments of reflection.

Gaming isn’t wasted time if it brings joy or serves as a reset. Writing isn’t just work; it’s a way to reflect and create. Even sitting on the Seat of Great Thinking has its place in the grand scheme of life. Maybe that’s what it means to get the most out of living. It’s not about achieving as much as possible. It’s about finding room for it all. Time will run out one day. Until then, the goal isn’t to be productive every second. Savor the minutes, whether they’re spent gaming, writing, or just sitting on the toilet in deep thought.

More thoughts on life…