“I feel so lost,” said the student.
“In general or somewhere specifically?” I asked.
“Both,” the student replied. We chuckled at that.
“Well, that never changes really,” I say.
On my way to supper, I realized that my wording cast a poor light on life. Indeed, I have yet to feel truly settled, at least for longer than a week. I’m always wondering if this is the right job or if I should be going back to school or changing careers. One can look at this in a negative light, but the journey of discovery is where the fun lies – the adventure. Despite all the doubt and pondering over alternatives, life is pretty swell. Still, I fully understood this sensation.
After supper, I took it as my life mission to find this student and explain myself further. This was wholly unnecessary. I discovered him on the way to the dorms. The student replied after my ramblings, “It’s mostly Chemistry.” I was quiet for a moment, and he followed up with, “But thanks for the life lesson.”
I don’t think his second comment was a retort, but perhaps my attempt to explain myself went poorly. I can’t deny that it happens occasionally. There is a .002% chance this kid will find this writing in the deep sea of internet material. So this isn’t entirely directed towards him, but it is dedicated to him.
My World Cultures class is beginning to explore different religions of the world when we return from Christmas Break. We’ll touch on Christianity, Islam, and Judaism when we discuss the Middle East. But upon our return, we’re covering Asia. In particular, Buddhism and Hinduism, as well as the philosophy of Confucianism. I grew up Catholic, attended Sunday School, and believed in God until I was 18 or so. Another blog post may be required for that subject.
In short, my experience with any Asian religions came from movies, like the monks in the film 2012, my favorite genre: apocalypse. When he returned from a nearly year-long meditation journey with a shaven head and few words, I felt I had met the first Buddhist monk in my life. My brother has since returned to his boisterous self, but I won’t forget the image of him as a changed man.
In preparing for teaching Asian culture, I looked into the dharma, or search for enlightenment. One such aspect of this search involves removing cravings, desire, and attachment. Desire seems like such a natural human characteristic. We desire so many things, especially attention from others. I’m certainly not a Buddhist, but I can appreciate the idea of limiting these things. Perhaps, I can even rephrase it: focusing on only a few desires. I want to be an effective educator, conversational in French and Italian, and continue to learn.
More of the Buddhist religion highlights the Eightfold Path. It requires being a good human (although this definition is far too spartan). When all religions are simplified, they all focus on the same goal. In this regard, I feel that the desires I have fall in line. There are no ill intentions or foul plans. I’d like to help foster thoughtful generations and be able to speak the languages of my ancestors.
To pull a rope around all this, I should have told the student that not knowing is okay. Feeling misplaced is part of life’s journey. It doesn’t disappear with age or wisdom, at least in my brief experience thus far. But maybe that’s the point: the uncertainty keeps us searching, where the adventure is. Regardless of religion, being mindful and grateful will improve the quality of our days. Humans are naturally full of desire. I think Buddha wishes to remove the desires so that we can be even more grateful and mindful. Desires can be distractions.
Feeling adrift on the raft of life is one of the emotions we’re issued at birth. Both Hindus and Buddhists use the word duhkha, meaning suffering. We must experience all emotions and their ranges as well. As I said, I am no Buddhist, but I can appreciate the philosophy. In the moments when I feel concerned that I’m not where I should be, maybe gratitude for living will be the first thought. There’s no need to fix the sensation of feeling lost. It’s one of the emotions we must live through. That’s what I should have told the student. I’m sure my rambling meant nothing to him, but perhaps he’ll recall it one day when he can’t make sense of it again – life I mean, not Chemistry.
Discover more from Bucci Creates
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.